A neighbourly dilemma

 

Never ever heard of one using those expressions. Never ever hear of one mentioning doing things free of charge. Never ever heard  of one associating cars and prices. Never heard of one making monetary insults.

 

One of my uncles was a High Commissioner in one of the Indian States. Never referred to his wife like that.

 

Seems more to me that these expressions are not real.

 

BTW yes I have served in the Armed Forces and it seems I have several years start on you.

 

OK, OK, let's introduce an element of courtesy into the proceedings, since I (as do you, I am sure ) have better things to do than exchange inanities.  May we first of all, though, accept that what might have appeared to you to be an"incredibly minor incident" (and if it does, then I admire your sang froid ! ), does not appear that way to me. It didn't when it happened and it still doesn't several days later.  That being the case, I find it difficult to concede that any part of what I described in this forum has any degree of implausibility, which, as it happens, is a polite way of calling someone a bloody liar, and you would do well to consider that since it is not a nice thing to call someone.  If you wish to persist in your allegations, why don't you be more specific ?  I doubt that I could respond to them with any degree of plausibility that would satisy you, even if you wanted me to try, but it would help readers of this forum (including myself) understand exactly what you find to be so implausible.  By the bye, rightly or wrongly I have asumed from your name "Peteratwar" that you might be an old war horse like myself, who despite not yet being of pensionable age, saw service in several global conflicts.  In this respect, first of all I wouldn't want to upset any of my ex military peers (which may,perhaps, include yourself ? ), and secondly, should I even remotely allude to ANY part of my activities in uniform, then you, and doubtless many other readers of this forum, certainly might find that implausible..............whereas arguments with neighbours over a bloody ladder are so picayune as to be total nothingnesses !

 

 

Never mind about all of your vague allusions and hackneyed cliches----------  put up or shut up !

 

For Heavens sake, are you now adding incredulity to your stupidity ?   Assuming that you don't live permanently in an oxygen tent, padded cell, iron lung or space capsule ( or a combination of all four ! ), is your life so devoid of interest or incident that NOTHING at all of any significance, even the lending of a ladder to an idiot neighbour, happens to you ?

Not that I give a tinkers cuss what it is that you find so implausible, but others may wish to know, so why not substantiate your claim..................either that or just shut the f**k up  !

 

I shall do what I can, compadre.  The mere fact that I am as definitive an example of an English WASP as can possibly be found, and that this past week my house and garden has been filled with builders/painters/plumbers and brickies, all of whom have names like Patrick, Seamus,Finn,Brendan and Coll etc. should provide ample scope for further reportage, especially when I eventually find out who it was who reversed his digger into my 150 year old ash tree knocking it to f**k  !!!, and then tried to cover up the crime by concreting the f******r back into the ground.  I look forward later this week to Thursday evening, when upon completion of the contract and over a celebratory Guinness and fish supper at my house, I interrogate Paddy and his little gang as to whom was responsible.   My wife, who was especially found of that tree, will be heating up the instruments of torture even as I pour the Guinness and unwrap the cod and chips !!

 

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My dear chum.   In order not to occupy too much space on this forum, I first recounted this sad tale in a condensed format.  I didn't mention the fact that had I have entered my house from the rear, I wouldn't have even know the ladder was there. Not only would this have left it exposed and vulnerable to theft until somebody eventually spotted it at the front of the house , but had I have gone to my garage via the rear door, started up my £130,000 Aston Martin and driven it out, I would have ridden over the bloody ladder and smashed the arse off my car. The other details, like when I borrow their tools I always thank them profusely, very often offering a nice bottle of burgundy or similar, all pale into insignificance, but nevertheless remain valid.  I am glad, though, that you have accepted the fact that my neighbours wife was selfish and inconsiderate etc., since these are things that stick in the craw of the English middle classes, who, even in this decayed and despoiled age, still endeavour to subscribe to virtues unknown to the woman in question.