COURTSHIP
Courtship exhibit, Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina
Traditionally, how did courtship play out in your country?
In Bosnia and Herzegovina, traditional homes had separate male and
female quarters. The windows in the female quarter of the home were
screened with wooden lattice and it was through these windows - at
least among respectable families - that women and men conducted their
courtship.
Men would typically spy the woman elsewhere, out and about in the town,
and decide - that's the woman I want to marry. First he would test the
waters by flirting with her. Often it was a contest of wits with the
girl but most of the time the man just tried to win her attention with
jokes and tricks.
They would sing, dance, pass notes. The men would even shout loudly and
make big scenes flirting with the girl to embarrass her. They'd flaunt
whatever money they had - bringing gifts of livestock or even more
expensive fabrics, jewels, and housewares to the home.
All of it built up to a single point, when she daringly opened the
window and revealed herself (fully clothed, of course) to him. This was
her way of signally her acceptance and the man would then meet with the
woman's parents to arrange a dowry. In Bosnia and Herzegovina both
sides of the wedding provided dowrys. The man was expected to
"purchase" his bride, usually with goods rather than money, and the
bride was expected to take a moderate amount of material wealth from
her former life to their new home.
If the bride didn't open the window, often the men would still approach
the parents and - depending on the family - she may or may not have
been promised to him anyways.