AE's Virtual Colosseum the mother of all VS topics

Okey Dokey then!

Originally posted by Count Belisarius The winner is... THE ROMANS!! Due to better tactics, strategy training, and they picked the time and place to fight the english are wiped out their commander is captured by Legate Antonius even though he does manage to injure the roman legate, although the romans do take heavy casualties they still surround and masacre the enemy they then learn that castle douglas was taken by another roman legion and the entire royal family was in the castle so now england has been conquered

Seeing the rules above the sinister Seko had a battle of epic proportions for his post.

His fight would be between The Man With No Name versus 10 Byzantine Cataphracts.The battle starts out in the middle of a small Arizona town at high noon. The cataphracts
have been wating patiently five hundred years for this one special moment. Then out from the swirling dust, at a distance of 100 yards, a silhouette is spotted. It's him! Clint Eastwood packing a six shooter. At that very moment a voice is heard, "You need to read rules number 1 and 3"! Unbeknownst to the Count, the commotion of ten cataphract horses snorting around overwhlemed all ears. Two of the Byzantines fixed their lances and charged toward the shadowy figure across from them. "Please stick to the topic at hand!" the little bird tweets.
"Shadows can't fight! Read rule number 4." The Man with no Name raised his hand and proceeded to light a small cigar. With the quick motion of Spedy Gonzalez, Eastwood picked up the nearest rock and beaned the first oncoming cataphract in the face. Afterwards he flicks his lit cigar at the second Cataphract, blinding that particluar warrior with ashes. "Two down eight to go", Eastwood thought. Soon a familiar disgruntled voice is heard pleading over the ruckus - "Stick to rules number 5 and 6 please"! Ignoring the idiotic rule maker, Eastwood stood motionless and waited. Bewildered, the Byzantines sent out two more Cataphracts forward. They figure to lame The Man with No Name. Galloping at hight speeds one of the cataphracts fell from his horse for the rider had been ill with the flu. The other one held tightly to his sword and moved in for the kill. 
The armed cataphract swung but he only blusterd about at the thin air. He swung again and inflicted a mortal wound unto himself. He had been suffering from visual hallucinations.
At that time one could hear the cool cowboy mumble - "The way I figure, there's really not too much future with a sawed-off runt like you." The cataphract heard those last words and passed on. Overwhelmed by frustration, one now mad Count, rushed
into the street and yelled, " All of the combatants are supposed to be in excellent health. Why can't you even stick with rule number 7?" Not minding what the raging lunatic had said, Eastwood ponders the scene ..."The Cataphracts on one side of town, the Count on the other, and me right in the middle."

Tense moments pass.

Seeing that their fellow soldiers fell to the tall figure without much of a fight, the other six cataphracts charged in unison. They were hell bent and galloped at full tilt. Raising their lances, swords, maces and voodoo dolls (in the shape of Sarah Pallin) they honed in for the kill. At the other end of the dirt road, the Man With No Name waited then whipped open the right side of his long leather coat and placed his hand on a revolver. All of a sudden came the right moment to raise a gun. The cataphracts moved in closer and gave out a loud warrior yell, "Aargh, uhh, Ouch, Oooff, kaplunk! In the heat of that one quick moment Clint looked at his gun and opened the chamber, for he had successfully spent all six bullets.

Edited by Seko - 29-Oct-2008 at 13:25

We love ya Count. Where else could I get away with this delightfully fabricated battle if it weren't for the Mother of All VS Topics?

Well Goblin Monkey enter your combatants you said you wanted to fight me? by that do you mean you make an army and then I make one and we face them off? 

My army is three hundred and fifty gothic knights with full plate armor, full plate barding for their horses, longsword, mace, dagger, lance, small powerful all metal crossbow with one hundred metal bolts they are highly trained in martial arts and can fire their crossbows at a high rate of speed or in relays.

The Khan yells somthing in ancient mongolian and the horsemen get fired up.They raise there spears and charge at the sourounding soldiers.The moon shining on the large angry soldiers.They destroy the moral of the troops and most of them reatreat.The other ones try to re-group back at their camp but their not used to the desserts and pleautes of the Steppes.The Mongols use their trained horses to track them down in the enviorment they know.So they meet in a wide part of the desert.The reamening troops and the Cavalry.There is a suprisingly small amount of troops it looks and the soliers are encouraged.They call their comrades out of hiding and make their full or almost full army once again.Then your great commander senses somthing isnt right.Well hes right.A swarm of Mongol horsemen come from the distance shooting arrows and screaming battle crys.Your soldiers are confused and worried and the mongols slaughter them.The out of control soldiers  are rallied by your commander who manages to kill a few of my horsemen.Yet their are just to many of the horsmen and to many of your dead men for the soldiers to win.The commander dies in valor fighting for his country.

How exactly do you destroy my morale? did you read my list through? the mongols can't charge through caltrops and the crossbows and longbows (If longbowmen can stand up to fench knights gimpy horse archers aren't gonna destroy their morale, horse archers are like the samurai highly overrated) royally mess their day up they can't get though pikes halberds and sheilds and the obstacles force the mongols to go where the gothic force wants them to then the gothic force knigths with their crossbows rain death and catch the mongols from behind and on the sides due to their deployment not mention the fact that your mongols bow's can't get through gothic armor and chain. So my men hold their ground and you charge into the caltrops and obstacles then my knight's charge you from behind and on the flanks 

Edited by Count Belisarius - 13-Nov-2008 at 01:33

This is sooooooooooo boring.All the freakin rules.Its not military school so now I will defie you and make my clown vs. Robot war.

Its a dark night on MARS!The robots have awaken from a deep slumber in their metal catacombs and eat viscoulisley on the meat of the local mini horses.Then out of the blue a army of EVIL CLOWNS ON GIANT FLYING FLAMINGOS!!!They rush down from the sky and snatch up the little robot babys.The robot king is angerd and sends out his royal guard trashcan soldiers.There is a long hard fight yet out of the smoke and dust,the robots are NOT victorius.The clowns have their will with the people.Killing and enslaving.Yet wait its not over, here comes AQUA MAN!He some how flushes out of the sky even though he cant fly and calls on all the flyimg water animals of Mars to attack the clowns.A swarm of mutant half elephant dolphins, som yellow spotted sea/air urchin, and a talking plant named Phyto.This sea/air army would use it light sabers and karate chops to destroy the clowns that all already had really bad hang nails and the hicups.So then Aqua mans sea/air army conquers mars!Right?NOOOOOOO.Here comes santa clause!!His flying polar bears are much more superior then Aqua Mans water/air forces!The Polar Bears rip out there hearts and eat them for breakfest even though it 3:39 PM Martian time.

                                                         FIN

Goblin Monkey, please stick to the parameters of the thread.