PADEREWSKI, Ignace Jan, another farewell-concert giver, who wore long red hair, a soulful expression, insured his fingers, and broke pianos. PALLAS, a Grecian goddess who was metamorphosed into a raven perch by Poe. PAN, monstrosity, musical instrument maker, friend of poets. Born half a man and half a goat. Took after the latter. Studied music under the old masters and outfluted Apollo. Was also a sheep fancier. Fathered fife and drum corps. Ambition: A pair of shoes or a goat's appetite. Recreation: Hunting and falling in love. Address: Greece. Clubs: Musical. PAN, Peter, a little fellow who was a delightful actress, believed in fairies, and crowded houses in England and the United States. PANKHURST, Mrs., a celebrated English woman who terrorized a government, starved herself, smashed windows, blew up things, and made speeches for a living. Girlhood spent in developing muscle, pluck, and theories. She appeared before the public and declared that the liquor traffic would be terminated when women voted. Spent years of her life wondering why the men would not give them the privilege. Never cared for the ministry, although she was a very good woman. Ambition: A woman king. "Votes for Women" in the Union Jack. Recreation: Planning the "next." Publications: From the Cradle to the Ballot. Windows I have Smashed. Address: London. Care Scotland Yard. PANKHURST, Sylvia, a little Pankhurst who helps mamma break things. PANZA, Sancho, Don Quixote's interlocutor and stable boss. PARIS, son of the King of Tyre, who ran away with another man's wife named Helen. A city in France has been named to do him honor. PARNELL, C. S., father of the downfall of English ministries and Ulster. Born of Irish parents. First man to successfully explode dynamite in Parliament without being executed. Ambition: An Ulsterless Ireland, a Conservativeless England. Address: Close to the English ministry. Epitaph: The Bills Men Introduced Live After Them. PARSIFAL, the longest-winded singer who ever stepped on an opera stage. PASTEUR, Doctor, discoverer. Experimented with mad dogs until he came to the conclusion they should be shot or chained. A subway station in Paris has been named after him. PATRICK, Saint, a Scotchman who drove all the snakes out of Ireland with the exception of those in bottles. Also introduced the brogue and the shamrock into the Emerald Isle. PAT, also of Ireland. At an early age he emigrated to the United States. There he took up the hod-carrying business. Went on the stage and set the world laughing. He also entered politics, captured the American police force, and, together with his brothers in Parliament, rules Great Britain and the United States. PATTI, Adelina, a singer who said au revoir but not good bye. Epitaph: Cum Grano Salis. PEAR, the man who names most of the London busses, and keeps the people of England clean for a penny a week. His business is international with the exception of Glasgow and Italy.  Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement. The editor does not use soap.
PEARY, Captain Robert E., explorer who said he reached the north pole and convinced a few people. Was also forced to write a book and lecture. Publications: How Dr. Cook Almost Got Ahead of Me. Ambition: That a certain man had not made him get all the way there the last time. Grave: The Cook incident. PENN, William, a man whose picture appears on all Quaker Oats boxes. An Englishman who left his country, bought Pennsylvania, built the slow, old town of Philadelphia, and hung up the American Liberty Bell. PERICLES, of Athens. Political boss, philosopher, and general. Secured his reputation through brains, a voice, and a well-oiled political machine. Started the golden age of Greece with a loud blast of the horn of plenty. PETER, no relation to the following. He introduced the art of chocolate making into Switzerland, and the art of eating it into America. Ambition: More children and people with sweet teeth. PETER, Saint, a fine old bearded saint who is an excellent bookkeeper, and a detester of roosters. A church in Rome has taken his name. Ambition: A new key. Recreation: Oiling hinges. Address: Golden gates. PHARAOH, of Egypt. Benefactor of Moses and Joseph. Was also the father of Pharaoh's daughter. Built a few pyramids, cigarette factories, and made a handsome mummy. PHILIP II, a king of Spain who, with an armada to press his suit, endeavored to marry a queen of England. Both the suit and the armada were left in the bay of Biscay, and the queen an old maid. Ambition: To the Inquisition with all Englishmen. Motto: Faint heart never won fair lady. Address: Spain. PINAUD, Edward, discoverer of the only thing which would have saved your hair. PINKHAM, Lydia, of vegetable compound fame. Made a fortune out of advertisements, little boxes of pills, and women who believed what they read. PIPER, Peter, famous picker of pickled peppers. Also held accounts against many people. Caused considerable worry to his creditors. PITMAN, Isaac, discovered a method of making political speakers more careful of what they said. His invention has secured wealthy husbands for many a pretty and poor stenographer. PLUTARCH, the only man who had more lives than a cat. PLUTO, boss of the underworld until Old Nic got on the job. Also the manufacturer of a morning beverage. PLUVIUS, E., was the fellow who always made it rain when you wanted to wear your new hat or go to a ball game. POE, Ed. A., an American poet who specialized in ravens and cold chills. POINCAIRE, Raymond, a Frenchman who has a splendid opportunity to get out of this book. POLLUX, Leda's other twin. (See Mother and Brother.) POLO, Marco, F. R. G. S., traveler, discoverer, and lecturer. Began expeditions from Venice. Discovered China, Japan, and the Orient. Returned to Venice and Doctor Cooked his neighbors. He is supposed, however, to have visited the countries, as he produced a pair of chop sticks, a Chinese laundry, and some Japanese lanterns. These were accepted as proofs by the University of Venice. Ambition: The north pole. POMPADOUR, Madame, coiffeur, Queen of France. Said to have been a peach. Was a great friend of Louis XV, and helped make the dances at Versailles a success. Ambition: Plenty of hair. Recreation: Versailles. Address: See Louis. Clubs: Anti. POWELL-BADEN, Robert S., a warrior who retired from service and invented soldiers to be shot when the next big war comes along. PROCRASTINATOR, T. H. E., an extinct man who believed in the doctrine of To-morrow. He was a thief, but was never convicted. Ancient records state he invariably had an excuse for present inactivity, but would promise results the following day. Was a close friend of Failure. Put off everything except Death, and even did his best to keep him away as long as possible. Motto: No time like the future. Ambition: To accomplish to-morrow what the other fellow is doing to-day. Recreation: Always before business. Address: Nobody knows. Clubs: Many. PROGRESS, Pilgrim, an Englishman who made an extensive journey encumbered with a large pack. He visited Paris, had some hairbreadth escapes, was stuck in the mud, but finally returned and became respectable like all other Englishmen. PUCCINI, Giacomo, maker of tunes and curtain calls. A musician who did not starve, and who gave the classical name "La Faniculla del West" to the plain "girl of the golden west." PULLMAN, an American who invented an expensive means of travel. P. also is responsible for the vast fortunes acquired by porters. PUNCH, husband of Judy, and a great favorite with the children, even if he did beat his old wife. Led a hen-pecked life. Traveled in several European countries and spoke all the best-selling languages. His name has been given to a serious London publication. PYTHAGORAS, a Greek who said some people would be pigs after they were dead.
 Ed. Note: The editor apologizes for the few Q's who have been famous.
QUIETUS, Fluvius, of Rome. Always put his name to everything when he came around. QUIXOTE, Don, famous knight-errant of Spain. Made some desperate conquests for his lady-love, and was defeated by a windmill. In all his defeats, however, he showed to the world that a laugh cuts deeper than a sword, and that satire would kill where a lance could not penetrate. The word quixotic is used to his commemoration.