KAISER, T. H. E., alias Emperor William, "Bill" to his friends; a German of some prominence, who caused heartfailure in Europe, considerable comment in England, and much applause in his own country. Was also a naval constructor. Born of royal parents. Inherited his father's position. At a tender age he formed a passion for an army. Like all royal children, he had his own way. His plaything has grown steadily, is in fine condition, but is only used for parading and scaring purposes. His later years were spent in making additions to the fleet, but for what purpose even the wisest sages could not guess. K. was also honored by a visit from T. Roosevelt (see the Wonder) on his exhibition through Europe. It is said he could not learn anything from his adviser. Heir: The crown prince. Ambition: His army applied to the socialists. Recreation: Army. Address: Army. Clubs: Army. KEELEY, Doctor, water-wagon manufacturer. Claimed fame solely on account of the invention which prevented men from going home to a scolding without the assistance of lamp posts. Declared his cure was as good as gold. Was strongly opposed by John Barleycorn and his friends. Never cared for New York, London, or Paris. K.'s end never has been made public. Historians are endeavoring to ascertain whether he practiced what he preached. Ambition: Large breweries. Recreation: Getting away from business. Address: All large cities. Clubs: W. C. T. U. KHAYYAM, Omar, a fine old Persian who wrote a beautiful and heartfelt commentary on headache producers. Ambition: More grapes. Recreation: A flask, books, and a Persian "thou." Epitaph: He Certainly Practised What He Preached. KIDD, Captain, the man who spent his life burying the treasure which several people have been sure they could locate. Was said to have been one of the finest men who ever scuttled a ship. KILLER, Jack The Giant, a man who combined his name and accomplishments. KIPLING, Rudyard, an English writer who has not been knighted. KNOX, John, of Edinburgh. He was the man who introduced the kirk into Scotland, but failed to launch the collection plate. KRUGER, Oom Paul, an Old Dutch cleanser who certainly made England scrub up. KUBELIK, Jan, the only violinist who never gave a farewell concert.