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Originally posted by Centrix Vigilis Patience Ron...let them digest it.

 

Go here and then search the index....I can access them.

here is an article i did a little while ago. its about agesilaus, one of sprtas greatest kings.

Dear Lewis Pratt,

Below is your entry, but I have edited a few points that should be looked at by you.

"Prologue



Independent Sparta did not fall over night. It to (took) over two hundred years filled with hardship. This is a story of war, and of a king like no other. A King who was not only a politician, but a champion of Sparta. His name was Agesilaus II.



Introduction to Agiselaus



Agesilaus (Agesilaus ) was Born in 444/443 BC. He was one of two sons. His half elder brother, Agis II (Agis II), whose reign lasted from 426 BC to 400 BC. (perhaps some explanation needs to be written here?)

Agis’ Normal Successor would have been his son, Leotychidas (Leotychidas). However, Leotychidas was often considered to be a son of Alcibades (Alcibades). A debate lasted for some time over who should be king. Agesilaus objected to Leotychidas’ reign saying that he was a mere bastard. In turn, Leotychidas claimed that an Oracle had warned against the lame king, which Agesilaus was. (Perhaps again you should have mentioned that Agesilaus was crippled?)

The political rivalry was concluded when Lysander, a friend and mentor to Agesilaus, stated that the true meaning of the oracles words were that the lame king was the king that was a bastard.



Lysander



Lysander (Lysander) was a general of Sparta (Sparta) (why is Sparta within the brackets?). not much is known of his early life. His father was Aristocleitus (Aristocleitus). Aristocleitus was a member of the Spartan Heracleidae (Heracleidae). (comma) that means he claimed to descend from Heracles (Herarcles).

Lysander’s family was a poor one, so, when young, he had to have sponsorship to be able to train for the Spartan military.

Lysander became quite highly ranked in the Army.

In 407 BC he became admiral. Eventually he became General. He formed the Spartan Hegemony.

Agesilaus inherited this Spartan Hegemony.



Agesilaus and the battle of Leuctra

On July 6th 371 BC, the battle of Leuctra (Leuctra) was fought between the Boeotians (Boeotians), led by the Thebans (Thebans) (Again why brackets?) and Sparta (with there (their, the possessive spelling) Allies).

The battle took place in the territory of Thespiae (Thespiae).     

Sparta had gained an immense influence after the Peloponnesian war; they weakened that when they lost the battle of Leuctra. They also lost the Spartan Hegemony. Sparta was forced to maintain it independence, though now weakened and humiliated.





Agesilaus, the king of mercenaries



Now, Sparta gained its money by becoming mercenaries. Agesilaus was the leader. In 361 BC, he went to Egypt to serve the Pharaoh, Nectanebo and his regent Teos against Persia. Later, he soon transferred his services to Teos's cousin and rival Nectanebo II, who, in return for his help, gave him a sum of over 200 talents.

After Agesilaus died in 359 BC, the Egyptian pharaoh, Nectanebo II, had Agesilaus’ body royally embalmed and sent back to Sparta to be buried.

He was a King who held cultural and noble beliefs of Sparta very closely indeed.

Here is a Quote from Agesilaus when he was asked if he wanted a memorial in his honor.

“If I have done any noble action, that is a sufficient memorial; if I have done nothing noble, all the statues in the world will not preserve my memory.”



Decline of Sparta



After Agesilaus’ death, Sparta slowly fell (I would suggest the word "declined?"); taking a period of two centuries. That is, until it was weak enough to be conquered (which it was).

However, none of the Spartan kings strived to be as good as Agesilaus. The sold parts of and lost cultural ideals. This all lead to Sparta’s decline."

I would also suggest a that you use a few more compound sentences and/or complex sentences, most of yours are "simple sentences"

Sorry, but anything submitted to an "editor" will be subjected to the same standards, in most cases.

Regards,

That would depend on the article context and subject. What I might find interesting you might totally disregard for any number of reasons. The only way to know is for you to write one and see the reaction.

Excellent. Start writing.

I would like to post some of my poems, what's the order in which it have to be done?

You are most welcome, thank you for your kindness!

Hi,

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