What Shaped You?

This topic is very Freudian. Not in the obtuse, sexual sense, but from the therapeutic recollections standpoint. I'm not sure that I entirely agree that it is only the external events and circumstances that shape us, though. More so, it is our personal, internal interpretations of these events which shape us, in my opinion.

That said, I can point to a few certain evens that shaped who I am:

My mother loves to tell me the story of my birth. I was her first child and she didn't know what to expect. When I came out, I was dead silent. I was so quiet that I imagine the nurses in attendance must have wondered if I was a still-birth. I didn't cry, and just looked around, staring at everything and taking it in. My mother says this event explains a lot about me- that I adapt to new environments without much complaint, and that I'm always curious about the world around me.

A few hours later when she asked to have me returned from the maternity ward, she encountered some resistance from the nurses; apparently, I was such a pleasant child that they didn't want to give me up or put me down. My mother says this event explains a few more things about me- that I've always had a way with women haha, and that people need to get to know me a bit better before they decide whether or not they like me. Because apparently for the next 3 years I refused to ever go to bed, and those first experiences were very deceiving, because, according to dear old Mum, I was anything but a pleasant child, and have grown up to be anything but a pleasant young man. If those nurses could only see me now.

According to other reliable sources, my emotional development ceased at the age of four; my preschool teacher informed my parents that I had a college vocabulary, and suggested I might be a genius. It was at this point that I internally concluded that I was in fact a genius, even though now other evidence has ever suggested this conclusion- I also concluded that, being a genius fer Chrissakes, I knew better than everybody else, and that I ought never to listen to anyone else's opinions or advice, no matter how well-informed or well-intentioned. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I still cling tenaciously to this conclusion, no matter the evidence to the contrary.

Being part of the privileged class of American society (white, upper-middle class, healthy, athletic, intelligent, and, dare I say? astonishingly attractive), life has come rather easily for me, and left me to draw the conclusion that life is a breeze, and something of a smorgasbord to be sampled, tasted, experienced, and enjoyed, much like a fine wine (of which you can never learn anything about by a single bottle; you must enjoy a case in a single sitting to really know the nature of the vintage) or some other expensive luxury. Thus, I never take anything seriously, laugh at "adversity," and generally live by the "I'm invincible" mantra. Perhaps because of these traits I come off as a bit of a prick, but I'm okay with that that, since I don't take what other people think about me seriously anyway.

However, the disappointments I have experienced have left me cynical, bitter, and generally aggressive and spiteful. None of these traits help with the "prick" perception.

Politically, I'm quite liberal; mainly due to my own self-centeredness and lack of desire to truly be offended by what it is that other people choose to do with their lives. I'll keep my nose out of other peoples' collective business so long as they don't interfere with my affairs. C'est la vie.

Religion? I'm far too prideful to bend the knee to anything or anyone, divine or not.

My passions are literature and adventure, and to that end I could say that the works of people like Ernest Hemingway and other well-traveled/ adventuresome writers, such as Anthony Loyd, have definitely shaped my conception of the world around and the way life is to be lived; hard. "Live hard, love hard, fight hard."

Words I live by: "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."
I interpret this to mean that, since you're f*cked anyway, you might as well be one of those people that the world feels a special hurry to try to kill.

I apologize for the lengthy rant, and the way in which I deigned to conform to the parameters, but those are the events, words, people and experiences which shaped me.
Cheers.

0-8: family, mostly. The generally irritating people at school.
8-13: still some family, but now a LOT of friends influence, specifically the friend who i could only and in all honesty call my best--sort of like a brother, except without the arguing.
13+: Friends mostly, the world around me being a large influence too.

Politically: I was influenced in the beginning by family, but eventually came to my individual view on politics mostly through personal reflection, coupled with friends of opposing political alignments and general distaste for the hypocrisy of many political figures and similarities between opposing political figures--they often seemed like different sides of the same coin. I wouldn't say I'm a moderate per se; just someone who has their own views and doesn't believe it's worth it to support one party over another.

Religously: I was influenced mostly by myself, as well as certain philosophers here. I ended up at my personal belief more through personal moments of amazement at the universe and through personal reflection and consideration than through anything else, although some philosophy helped me put words to it. I'm not sure I'd believe in what I do so strongly if it was influenced by anyone else; to me, faith has to be a personal, internal thing or else it's not precisely faith.

Passions: My passions (martial arts, philosophy, history, politics) were influenced again, largely by myself, although reading widely helped. I can't really point to why I've ended up with those passions except to say that martial arts is flat-out fun to me and philosophy, history, and politics are essential for understanding, in general, how the world works.

If I could go back and change things...

No. How would I know what I could take out safely and what spurred me on to do better? What kind of pathetic pride would it take to actually believe that I knew without a doubt what would make a life better? I prefer to live with my mistakes, deal with my issues, go on to greater heights, be better every day I can in every way I can then I was yesterday, and use every single thing I did wrong to my own advantage. If I changed things I might have an easier life, but I wouldn't be anywhere near as real of a person as I am now. You make a sword by burning metal, bending it, cooling it in water like ice, and doing it all over again. That's how you make a person, too (even if my own experiences haven't been quite that bad.) I wouldn't change anything. I'd rather make myself better by dealing with things the way they are than make my life better by running from them.




Edited by TheARRGH - 20-Mar-2008 at 17:56