Courtship

Traditionally, how did courtship play out in your country?

In Bosnia and Herzegovina, traditional homes had separate male and female quarters. The windows in the female quarter of the home were screened with wooden lattice and it was through these windows - at least among respectable families - that women and men conducted their courtship.

Men would typically spy the woman elsewhere, out and about in the town, and decide - that's the woman I want to marry. First he would test the waters by flirting with her. Often it was a contest of wits with the girl but most of the time the man just tried to win her attention with jokes and tricks.

They would sing, dance, pass notes. The men would even shout loudly and make big scenes flirting with the girl to embarrass her. They'd flaunt whatever money they had - bringing gifts of livestock or even more expensive fabrics, jewels, and housewares to the home.

All of it built up to a single point, when she daringly opened the window and revealed herself (fully clothed, of course) to him. This was her way of signally her acceptance and the man would then meet with the woman's parents to arrange a dowry. In Bosnia and Herzegovina both sides of the wedding provided dowrys. The man was expected to "purchase" his bride, usually with goods rather than money, and the bride was expected to take a moderate amount of material wealth from her former life to their new home.

If the bride didn't open the window, often the men would still approach the parents and - depending on the family - she may or may not have been promised to him anyways.