Love your wife; Sheikh Abdullah Adhami

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Sheikh Abdullah Adhami is one of the most respected Islamic scholars in
Bosnia and Herzegovina in the field of women's rights and women's place
in Islamic society. Here is a recent column of his published in Bosniak
Magazine:

LOVE YOUR WIFE UNTIL JANNAH

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world.

From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. 

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share
your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and
your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when
you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret,
she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best
advice. 

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first
thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with
you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will
be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul;
when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will
be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams.
In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the
closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which
says: �They are your garments and you are their garments"  (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). 

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide
one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support,
and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a
journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide
us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in
the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the
Alaskan journey. 

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness,
mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of
the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for
these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala,  "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature..."  (Surah Al Nahl 16:72). 

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power,
Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing
and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the
universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the
signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the
Qur'an,

 "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from
among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has
put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for
those who reflect."  (Surah Al Rum 30:21). 

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a
static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can
and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital
bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage
cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant
giving from both sides. 

For  the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured. 

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any
emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet (saw) said: 
"One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure
of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife".
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as
putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc.
Remember that the Prophet (saw) used to extend his knee to his wife to
assist her up to ride the camel. 

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together.
Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the
best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong.
Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in
having more peace at home. 

Remember that the Prophet (saw) gave glad tidings for those couples who
wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet (saw) even urged the
spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing
cold water on his/her face. 

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds.
Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend
quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet (saw) said: "The best of you are those who are best to their wives". 

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses
until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even
great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You
have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must
also become your loved ones. 

Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents
coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like
your parents". Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye
and said "I don't like yours either". 

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love
should never end and we do believe there is life after death where
those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their
spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offspring. 

The best example in this regard is the Prophet (saw) whose love for
Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved
and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death
and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his
house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and
whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister
Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala." 

Wealth, Success & Love: A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old
men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not
recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be
hungry. Please come in and have something to eat." 

"Is the man of the house home?" they asked. "No", she replied "He's
out." "Then we cannot come in" they replied. In the evening when her
husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am
home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited the men in.
"We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she
asked. 

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to
one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success,
and I am Love." Then he added, "Now please go in and discuss with your
husband which one of us you want in your home." The woman went in and
told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How
nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let
him come and fill our home with wealth!" His wife disagreed. "My dear,
why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter was listening from the
other corner of the house. She jumped 

in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our
home will then be filled with love!" "Let us heed our daughter's
advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be
our guest." 

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love?
Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking
towards the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised,
the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, why are you
coming in?" 

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success,
the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love,
wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also
Wealth and Success!" 

L O V E : Surah Al Imran 3:134:- "Those who spend (freely)
whether in prosperity Or in adversity; Who restrains anger, And pardon
(all) men. For Allah loves those Who do good". 

W E A L T H : Surah Al Layl 92:18-19 :- "Those who spend
their wealth for increase in self-purification, And have in their minds
no favour from anyone for which a reward is expected in return". 

S U C C E S S : Surah Al Najm 53:39-41 :- "That man can
have nothing but what he strives for; that (the fruit of) his strivings
will soon come in sight; then will he be rewarded with a reward
complete". 

Imam Hussein (RA) said: 

IF this world is very valuable, THEN the pleasure of Allah is ever more
valuable and noble. IF bodies have been created to die, THEN Martyrdom
is the best (of all the deaths). IF ones earnings are fixed (by Allah),
THEN why should one hang to wealth and strive after it.