Letter of Cossacks to the Sultan! pretty funny!

i read this a couple of days ago and i thought it was pretty funny. the cossacks make fun of the Sultan after they are asked to surrender.

Original text in Russian

These [Cossack attacks] so inflamed the hatred of the Muslims toward the Zaporogian Cossacks and the entire Christian population of Ukraine that the Turks decided to attack the Zaporogian Syech and raze it to the ground. There is a popular tradition that, before sending his troops to the Zaporogian Syech, Turkish Sultan Muhammad IV sent to the Zaporogians a letter demanding they submit voluntarily to him, an unconquerable knight. To the Sultan's letter, the Cossacks responded with free choice of words in a letter of their own. It denied the Sultan all honor, cruelly mocking the boasts of an "unconquerable knight." Many who treasure South Russian lore preserve copies of this letter of the Turkish Sultan and of the quaint reply of the Zaporogians. The letter may be fictitious, but it is entirely consistent with the spirit of the Zaporogian Cossacks.
Sultan Mahmud IV to the Zaporogian Cossacks:
As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians -- I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
--Turkish Sultan Mahmud IV

The following translation appeared in M.B. Kuropas, "The Saga of the Ukraine," MUN Enterprises, � 1961:

The Kozaks of the Dnieper to the Sultan of Turkey:
Thou Turkish Satan, brother and companion to the accursed Devil, and companion to Lucifer himself, Greetings!
What the hell kind of noble knight art thou? The Devil voids, and thy army devours. Never wilt thou be fit to have the sons of Christ under thee: thy army we fear not, and by land and on sea we will do battle against thee.
Thou scullion of Babylon, thou wheelwright of Macedonia, thou beer-brewer of Jerusalem, thou goat-flayer of Alexandria, thou swineherd of Egypt, both the Greater and the Lesser, thou sow of Armenia, thou goat of Tartary, thou hangman of Kamenetz, thou evildoer of Podoliansk, thou grandson of the Devil himself, thou great silly oaf of all the world and of the netherworld and, before our God, a blockhead, a swine's snout, a mare's ___, a butcher's cur, an unbaptized brow, May the Devil take thee! That is what the Kozaks have to say to thee, thou basest-born of runts! Unfit art thou to lord it over true Christians!
The date we write not for no calendar have we got; the moon is in the sky, the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us here as with thee over there, and thou canst kiss us thou knowest where!

I remember that letter too. I used to have a Ukranian-Polish friend who we used to call Zaporotzi. 

A mare's what...?

I have seen the painting before but never knew what the letter contained. Oh man that is such an excellant reply to such pompousness. Gotta give credit to them, willing to stand firm and with such gusto .

 ROFLMAO, man this is hilarious.

The original letter was much more offensive...

Unfortunately I read a bad translation of that a while back. It was a few years ago so I have no clue where to get it.

I don't think Cossacks were ever controlled by the Ottomans. They were seminomads too so i believe they simply moved north when the Ottomans
too part of land in the Northwest of black sea as shown below.