We have the same joke with Paul in Greece. It says that we dug under Acropolis, we found nothing, and that's why we had mobile phones. In greece also it goes with the French and the Italians (not with Japanese and Americans).

I can't think of many good jokes. I'll write one that I herad when I was like 7 or 8 years old and I liked it very much back then (and I still find it nice). So it goes:

There was a man with his head itching terribly. He goes to a doctor. The doctor tells him that he has lice. 'In order to get rid of them put your head in the fridge for half an hour, and the lice will die of cold.' The man goes home and puts his head in the fridge as the doctor said. When he takes it out, he thinks he got rid of the lices, but then a louse come down to his nose and says 'What a cold! It was a hard time but we managed to survive'. The desperate man then goes again to the doctor. The doctor tells him to stick his head in the oven, and so the lice will defenitely die. The man goes home and does it. Then a louse comes down to his nose and says 'Wow, what a heat! It was a hard time but we survived'. Now , the man goes again to the doctor. The doctor now says 'Go, find a man with a lot of hair, and bang your head on his. The lice will leave you and go to him.' The man goes out to the street and he looks for a man with lots of hair. He sees one, he closes him and he bangs his head on the other man's head. While he is happy thinking he solved his problem, a louse comes down to his nose saying 'Wow! What a terrible battle! But we won and took many prisoners!'

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows on my PC, told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows CD. To my astonishment and distress he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned it on.

I was upset because the CD had become precious to me, but he said "Do not worry, it is unharmed." After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said "Take a close look at it."

To my surprise the CD was quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth.

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746F
2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20
616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D

"I cannot read the fiery letters," I said. "No," he said, "but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says"

"One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."

One day a man sits down at his favorite diner across from his house. He orders his food and start to read the days newspaper when a large man walks in with a huge duffel bag at sits right next to the man. The man cant resist and asks the gentleman what hes got inside the large bag. The gentleman whispers to the fellow that its a high power rifle and that hes a hired hit man. The man is shocked, hes never seen a hit man in real life so he asks the hit man if he can hold the gun and the hit man reluctantly agrees. "Look at the scope on this baby", replies the man. "I bet I can see my house from here". So the hit man tells him to walk outside and take a look.  "You sure can see my house, hell you can even see inside my bedroom. Theres my wife.....the TV's on......BOB! MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR!!! AHHH WHAT THE F***!!!".

All the organs of the body were having a meeting trying to decide who was the one in charge.

I should be in charge" said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge" said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I allow the the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge" said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

A penguin was driving through the hot desert when she noticed smoke billowing from under the hood of her car. When she reached the nearest town, she stopped at a gas station and asked the mechanic to take a look at it. He said “Sorry ma’am, this may take a while. You are more than welcome to wait in the lobby or maybe you can come back in a few hours.”

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday the priest took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

New Euro language in the Works
The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place

Two elder ladies are ringing at the door. A young boy opens. One of the ladies asks: Do you have anything to give for the local Orphanage ? The boy said: Please wait" and goes back into the house. Suddenly two shotswere fired and a few seconds later the boy is back and said: Now you can take me.

In the Red Square in Moscow, a line is snaking toward the Lenin's tomb. A change of guard is watched by the onlookers. A kid asks, "Daddy, why do they always keep guard at the tomb?"

Once Stalin received a delegation of workers from the Urals. When the workers left, Stalin looked around for his pipe but did not see it. He called the Chairman of the KGB Lavrentiy Beria and said, "Lavrentiy Pavlovich, my pipe disappeared after the visit of those workers."

"Yes, Yosif Vissarionovich, I'll immediately take proper measures."

Ten minutes later, Stalin pulled out a drawer in his desk and saw his pipe. He struck a match, puffed out a ring of smoke, and dialed Beria's number.

"Lavrentiy Pavlovich, my pipe's been found."

There was an international competition for the best book about elephants.

France submitted a lavishly illustrated volume titled "Love triangles in the elephants' families."

England presented a treatise "Elephants and the World Trade."

Germany submitted 24 volume set under the title "Introduction into elephantology."

The USA furnished one million copies of a leaflet announcing a sweepstakes, "Win an Elephant. No purchase necessary."

The USSR sent three volumes, with the following titles,

Vol. 1. Role of elephants in the Great October Socialist Revolution.

Vol. 2. The happy life of elephants under the sun of the most progressive in the world Soviet Constitution.

A mummy was found in Egypt. The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet advisor offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet advisor appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."

"How did you find out?"

A Russian, a Frenchman and an American argued who was the bravest man. The American said, "For example, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We throw dice, each of us gets a car, we drive on a mountain road. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there."

"That's nothing," the Frenchman said. "We choose ten girls and one of them has AIDS. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him."

A guard asked a political prisoner, "What is your term?"

"Ten years."

"What for?"

"For nothing."

A woman walks into a food store. "Do you have any meat?"

"No, we don't."

"What about milk?"

"We only deal with meat. Across the street there is that store where they have no milk."

You've got to see this scary website. It talks about why water is so evil.

World Bank gave 1 million dollar to 2 engineers - one Azerbaijani and one Englishman. Asked them to built bridges - English engineer in London, Azerbaijani engineer in Baku. They gave them 3 months. The money was grant. After 3 month they wen to london. Experts were welcomed by an Englishman and were invited for a great dinner decorated with all kind of Britain food and beer. They asked him: Man, how rich u're. How were u able to affort all of those stuff. He showed the city to experts, through his window, and told: See that bridge??

question-What is first, Chicken or egg??

answer-Egg first, because Chicken know about eggs, while eggs doesn't know about Chicken.

In anger, the Shepherd said "aah..!! Better I walk then mount on one sheep so I couldn't miss one"

From a computer tech support call in the late 1990s.

  Ok ok...I've just received this from my assistant manager from work. Pretty sick Aussie humour.