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"Pearls of wisdom"

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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: "Pearls of wisdom"
    Posted: 01-Aug-2006 at 11:11
I've recently read some "pearls of wisdom" from the entrance history exams of the candidate students, applying for the Sofia University "St. Clement of Ohrid" (me, being one of them; fortunately, haven't seen anything mine so far). Some were nice, some were good and some almost made me "rofling" (rolling on floor laughing). The subject was "Establsihment and strenghtening of Bulgaria in the times of Khan Asparukh and Khan Tervel", which, of course, probably doesn't speak anything to you. Anyway, with the risk of making you think that all of us candidate-students are a bunch of idiots (but, please, note that there are also some weirder people except the "wisemen"), I'll post here some of those pearls. If you know other such examples of "wisdom" - please, share them with us! Thumbs Up


The Slavs were observed in three main species - Slaviani, Sloveni and Slovini. [Brilliant improvisation, but wrong - Venedi (Western), Anti  (Eastern) and Slavini (Southern)]

The Slavs were an East-European tribe with totemic [LOL] origins, which led a stuck [instead of settled] way of life, because of which they had no quality weapons.

As peace-loving people the Slavs awaited in ambushes, after which they used poisoned arrows.

In the Slavic family, the main role was played by the woman, she cultivated the land, she took care of the home and the children, but the only one with an authority was the man, who was giving orders at home. [So true even today Tongue]

The Slavic god of the sun was Neptune. [?!?!?!]


The Slavs and the Bulgars had an interesting way of constant life.  They often used to hide in lakes, by breathing through straws and that's how they attacked their enemies. They bet on the wedge formation. [True, this was used for the Slavs in a movie once, but yet...]

The Slavs are land-loving, but there is no private property among them, and due to the fact that they made mead, follows the conclusion about the bee-keeping.

The Slavs gradually fall under the power of the Byzantine political system and become its subjects. Because of them in 512 a border wall was build in Thessaloniki, which would protect Constantinople. But "The wall of cowardice" proved to be unable to stop the Slavs.

The totem is an animal, similar to a mole, from where the hypothesis for the name "Bulgars" comes. [One of the versions really is that the totem of some Bulgar tribes was a sabis and Bulgar meant "sabis hunters"] They started earning their living from agriculture, such as hunting and fishing. [Oh, yes, this farming is especially popular with a boat in the holidays]

Kubrat settled his people between the Baltic Sea and the Marmara Sea, and to the south he reached the Red Sea. That's the first time when the aspiration of "Bulgaria on three seas" appeared. LOL

During the treatment of the dead body, the Bulgars used to cut off the limbs and to harm the skeleton, which speaks that they believed in the vampirization. [First, Slavs believed in vampires, not Bulgars. Second, Slavs practiced body-burning and only later in the middle ages started to use precautions against vampirization]

Once Asparukh reached the Danube, he decided to cross to the other side, because that's where he saw the future of his state. [That reminds me of one movie...] Until then the Slavs led a peaceful way of life.


But they met the Byzantine navy: one of the navies crossed the river valley of the Danube and the other one - through the passes of Stara Planina [the Balkan Mountain - cool, the Byzantines had land-navy!].

The Bulgars found out that the Romeans are for fodder of the horses. [Hmm, those would've been some very predatory horses!]

In 681 was made the peace, which guarantees the appearance of one new state on the old territory, called Bulgaria. [Hah, I knew Bulgaria was here before Bulgaria!]

The northern border of the new state was going along the Danube and the north-eastern one - along the rivers Dniepr and Dnestr. [Interesting, since those two rivers are quite far from each other]

The Bulgarian state began establishing itself and thus the problems started. [Good for my signature Tongue]

Thus the self-confidence of the Bulgarian citizens rose up and they became "right-standing" Europeans. [I guess they didn't have socialists back then]

The problem of Bulgaria is that it started playing an important role too early. [True, true]


Once he signed the peace treaty, Justinian [II Rinotmet] decided to break it and attacked the newly-created state, in which Asparukh dies. [Complete mix of people, times and events - even I can't explain it]

In this moment Qagan [hm?] Kuber becomes a ruler, but without a population, which makes him an unsuccessful Asparukh. [Kuber settled in Macedonia, but he indeed couldn't establish a long-lasting state]

Khan Tervel is enthroned to stabilize the loose situation around the throne. The period, in which he rules, is strenuous and diplomatic. He received the region of Zagore, whose biggest advantage is that it has a view to the sea. This is the road to Byzantium for all European states and is an incredible privilege.

The khan receives the title of kesar [Greek form of Caesar, second after the emperor], which was, however, devaluated within the borders of the empire after this act.

The treaty provided that the political-traitors and the trade goods without seals would be thrown accross.

After the acceptance of Justinian II in Constantinople, he was killed, unlike his first dethronement when only his ears were cut off.  [Justinian II Rinotmet - the Noseless, not the Earless]


During the rule of Tervel, the Arabs made their Fourth Crusade with the aim to destroy the state of the Bulgarians. [Oh, yes, I always knew that! It's even written in our history books! LOL]

From the north-east is prowling the hostile glare of the Khazars, which were pushed out of Europe by the Japanese. [Don't know for history, but I'd write an "A" on geography for that one! Wink]


History is just to both people: ones [the Bulgars] gave their name, the others [the Slavs] - their language. This way there is no danger for a greater contribution of ones or others. [Actually this is true, I agree]

The Bulgars are carriers of statesmanship traditions and the Slavs, due to the lack of state power, needed one. ["Supply and demand" - I guess we also invented capitalism Tongue]





P.S. Oh, and btw - for the Bulgarian-speakers, here's a nice site with such a collection (I might translate more pearls from there later on), called "The marsh of foolishness", and here are the SU pearls from this and the previous year...
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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02-Aug-2006 at 15:36
I'll continue with the history part from the "Marsh of foolishness". And since it's about international history, I believe it would be of much greater interest to you (at the very least because you'll see the mistakes yourselves). Furthermore, this is a special and elite selection of only the "wisest" pearls of all! Enjoy! Smile



“Against foolishness even the Gods themselves are fighting in vain
”

  • … Our forefathers lived in huts. They had no clothes, nor shirts, nothing, except one hole, through which smoke would go out. To create a family they had at disposal only one quite primitive instrument...
  • … In the times of the pharaohs, the living embalmed the dead, so that they won't get bored. The mummies are dead people, whose internal organs have been taken out, but that's not from what they died...
  • … The pyramids consisted of the deceased's chamber, an earthly restaurant and multiple corridors for the confusion of the explorers...
  • … The mother of Achilles dipped him in the waters of the river Stix, so that he would become arrow-proof. This, however, didn't stop him from dying and then Odysseus entered Troy, masked as an wooden horse (some ascribe this to Alexander the Great)...
  • … Agamemnon and Menelaus were brothers, but this is certain only for the first one...  [This reminds me of another pearl "Those two brothers are twins, but from different mothers"]
  • … While the Spartans were at war, their women gave birth to children. They were trained for this purpose since their earliest ages...
  • … The Romans had to wage many wars before Italy could become a peninsula. Later the Romans replaced the soldiers with geese: they eat less and used to make more noise...
  • … The Romans were great builders. Many paved roads are their work, most famous of which is the Milky Way...
  • … After Caesar's death, Octavius and Antonius divided the empire between themselves. Octavius received the back part of Rome and Antonius - the eastern one and Cleopatra. In the end of his life Octavius retired to his mausoleum...
  • … When the Crusaders were departing, they were taking the portraits of their wife and children with themselves, and in their return they were happy to find new children around their faithful wife...
  • … Karl V is born at his aunt's place, because his mother wasn't there at that time...
  • … In the feudal times the peasants were very repressed. They had no automobiles at that time, so they payed taxes on the salt and the radios, but were deprived even of them. Besides this, they were forced to give to their seigneur all the products of their wife. Hunger often broke out and people killed each other, so that they don't die...
  • … The first trip around the world was made by Magellan. Unfortunately, he was killed at the Philippines and his crew returned without him. Despite of everything, the deceased kept good memories from his voyage...
  • … Louis XIV was five years of age when his father was born. He lived until his death in 1715. Louis XIV was surrounded by nobles, which were called courtisans. Their wives were called courtesans. His palace was always well swept and shiny, because of which he was called the Sun King...
  • … In 1763 France bought Corsica, three years before the birth of Napoleon, so that he could be born French...
  • … The night of the 4th of August was the brightest day of the revolution: the feudal times were abolished then. From then on people were born live and equal in rights...
  • … The September massacres took place in the night of the 10th of August...
  • … Napoleon was a dictator because he had the ability to dictate several letters at once. He hated the English and was angered at them, because they forced him to die in the embrace of St. Helena...
  • … The battle of Trafalgar took place at the sea and that's why it was named Waterloo...
  • … Abraham Lincoln was born in an wooden hut, which he built himself...
  • … The missionary work was developed in the 19th century. The poor missionaries, which went to China, returned beheaded...
  • … The President of the Republic is being chosen for seven years, whereas every 3 years he's renewed with 1/3...
  • … The difference between the king and the president is that the king is a son of his father, while the president isn't...
  • … In 1875 only men were entering the ballot-box. Today, in order to be a voter, you must belong to the both sexes...
  • … After Mussolini took power, Italy's population was doubled thanks to his personal merits...



Edited by NikeBG - 02-Aug-2006 at 15:41
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  Quote Isbul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02-Aug-2006 at 17:42
LOLHa ha! No matter how many times i already read it ,but I am still suffocating when I am reading this "pearl".And I was wandering how I am going to translate it, to post it here, but it seems you already done it- nice!

Edited by Subotai - 02-Aug-2006 at 17:45
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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02-Aug-2006 at 18:16
Hehe, Translation's my second name! Wink
And I'll probably translate also some of the others, the non-historical ones...
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  Quote Balaam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06-Aug-2006 at 04:15
OMFG!!!!! I couldnt stop laughing for ages after reading those, there truly are some weirdos out there
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  Quote Aelfgifu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06-Aug-2006 at 04:50
LOL, sooo funny... Glad I never had to do it though... I would have been in there probably... I once wrote in an essay that the laws of Justinian dated from the 10th century... Embarrassed

Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15-Aug-2006 at 04:49
I found some more pearls from the history exam this year:

-         The Bulgars exist since the time of Noah's Ark.

- According to some sources, the name "Bulgars" means "samurai hunters". ["Samur" is Bulgarian for "sabis", so it's actually "Samur/sabis hunters"]

- Unlike most peoples, the Bulgars accepted Achilles for their chieftain. [Haha, meaybe they've got this from the meeting of Tsar Kaloyan and Renie de Tri]

- The land of origin of the Bulgaris is Pamid. [Pamid is a sort of grape, Pamir is the mountain]

- The Bulgars are horse-people community.

- Their homes were called yurts. The yurts are "lake-dwellings". [Everybody knows that the yurts are something like tents]

- The Bulgars made no difference between men and women.

- The main god was Tangra, with assistants - the Sun and the Moon.

- According to the Byzantine authors, the Bulgars lived through hunting and pillaging, and most briefly, their life is characterized as beast-like.

- Running accross the battlefield was punishable by death among the Bulgars. [Running accross, running away - no big difference]

- The title khan was used only by habits.

- The Slavs were short, red-bearded, red-eyed, red-skinned people.

- Initially they lived in dug-outs and later - in half-dug-outs.

- The dug-outs were most usually one-storeyed.

- The Slav's homes were weakly furnitured.


- The Slavs breathing with the help of a schnorkel.

- The Slavs fought against the enemy with a equestrian infantry. [Oh, even the word on Bulgarian sounds funny - konna pehotnica LOL]

- Despite of all precautions, Byzantium could not take care of the Slav's "love adventures". [It should be "pohod" (campaigns), not "pohozhdenie" ("love-adventure")]

- Asparukh crossed the Danube exactly where Asparukh's bridge is now. [Which isn't  even on the Danube]

- Asparukh allowed the enemy to retreat, which shows the khan's good-natured character.

- Asparukh crossed the Danube and invaded towards Lower Asia.

- Even Karl May wrote on the question of Tervel's victory.


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  Quote vulkan02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17-Aug-2006 at 08:31
Haha... do the rest of the students take these "pearls" seriously?? 
The beginning of a revolution is in reality the end of a belief - Le Bon
Destroy first and construction will look after itself - Mao
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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17-Aug-2006 at 13:20
Well, some of them actually wrote those. Fortunately, there's nothing mine so far! Anyway, there are "ill-informed" people everywhere! I wonder only if most of these pearls are written by several few people, or one or two pearls, but from many students...
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  Quote vulkan02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-Aug-2006 at 12:49
Well hopefully they are few people then or else Id be worried about Bulgaria's future LOL . My favorite one has got to be  "Abraham Lincoln was born in an wooden hut, which he built himself.."

PS : They should have these for entrance in elementary school.

The beginning of a revolution is in reality the end of a belief - Le Bon
Destroy first and construction will look after itself - Mao
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  Quote malizai_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20-Aug-2006 at 15:34

really cant tell u how funny that is, i am almost in stiches.

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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20-Aug-2006 at 16:08
If you want, I could translate also some non-historical ones from the "Marsh of foolishness" (which is not of applying students, afaik). I remember that the geography ones are quite good! Wink
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  Quote vulkan02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20-Aug-2006 at 22:59
Please do hehe
The beginning of a revolution is in reality the end of a belief - Le Bon
Destroy first and construction will look after itself - Mao
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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21-Aug-2006 at 08:14

Geography

 

  • … During the day the Earth whirls around the Sun and during the night - around the Moon. While it's whirling, the Earth shows its behind in the front and its front in behind…
  • … The Earth's meridians divide Earth to 24 pieces. They're used to whirl the Earth around the Cancer and the Tropic of the Leprosa…
  • … The winds blow from the people with low pressure to the people with high pressure…
  • … When the barometer is uncertain, the weather doesn't know what to do…
  • … The most famous river is the Danube. It's an international one, because all people sing "On the beatuiful blue Danube"…
  • … The rivers sometimes overflow, but this never happens with the sea because there are many sponges in it…
  • … The bottom of the sea is being explored with drills: if the drill brings out silt, then the bottom is silty; if it brings out mud, then the bottom is muddy; and if it doesn't bring out anything, then its [the drill's] capacity is too low…
  • … To the east France is bordering on the Sun, when it rises, and to the west - when it goes down…
  • … Normandy is a fertile region. Oxes are being bred there, which are giving a lot of milk and eggs. The grass is fat and because of that the milk is very concentrated…
  • … The climate in Guiana is not healthy, because convicts are being sent there. There are forests of virgins there, which are supplying building materials…
  • … New York is late from the Greenwich time because America was discovered much later…
  • … The kangoroo has a pocket in its belly, so that it could hide in case of danger…
  • … Sahara always has a different size, because its sands are constantly changing their location. The main animals are the camels and the caravans. Its population consists mainly of Touaregs and oases…
  • … In the polar lands there is little flora, just some faunas, but they are wild. Among the living creatures we'll mention the lichen, the penguins and the explorers. To the latter it's sometimes so cold, that they are forced to put gloves when they wash their hands…



Literature

 

  • … An example for good conduct: “Andromaha sacrificed herself for her son. She is an example for a Greek virgin…”
  • … Revenge: “Disgusted by people, Moliere wrote the Pitecantropus…”
  • … Clairvoyancy: “Lamartin did not love Moliere, but Moliere understood and valued Lamartin…”
  • … Lucky man: “Meuze suffered a lot in his life, but, fortunately, he could relieve himself in the nature…” [This could have a double meaning, also as "relieving your own nature" in the nature]


Mathematics

 

  • … Paralel are the two straight lines, which, just as the rail-tracks, make the curves together…
  • … A circumference is a circle line, with no angles and it's closed, so that you can't see where it starts from…
  • … The octagon is a kind of a square, which has eight sides…



Physics and Astronomy

 

  • … The Moon is habitable, because there's light, shining from it…
  • … The make-up of the Sun is well known from the samples the scientists have taken from it…
  • … Galileo managed to make the Earth spin around, but the Church tortured him, because it wanted to make him stop her…
  • … There are hard, liquid and gracious bodies. Under the influence of heat, the bodies extend. Example: the days become longer in the summer…
  • ARCHIMEDES' LAW:
    Version I - Every body, which has been sunked in the water, if it doesn't appear on the surface in half an hour, is considered to be lost.
    Version II -
    Every body, which has been sunked in the water, comes out wet...
  • … The gravity was discovered by Newton. It could be seen in the Autumn when the leaves are falling…
  • … The correct trade-scale is the one, which always shows the same weight...
  • … The black coals are white coals, which have burned for a long time...


Zoology

 

  • … The peasants lose if they make their oxes pull heavy carts, because this way they're getting tired and give less milk…
  • … Every year the cow has a calf, thanks to the bull, who is a cow without an udder…
  • … The artificial insemination is when the veterinary replaces the bull...
  • … Among the flying mammals we would mention the bat and the stewardess...
  • … The hedgehogs and the swallows help the gardener in eating the insects…
  • … The snail is both male and female at the same time, but it can't take use of this...
  • … The cuckoo is a bird, which lays its eggs in another's nest and vice versa...
  • … "The chimp is making us many problems - it doesn't eat and it looks really bored. Apparently it misses a companion. What should we do until you return?“
    (A letter of the zoo-keeper to its director)


Medicine and Hygiene

 

  • … In case of nose-bleeding, stand on your head until your heart stops beating...
  • … Under the influence of alcohol, man forgets and loses his memory. He could kill himself in the evening and remember nothing in the morning...
  • … The pregnant woman needs from time to time to take out her baby and clean it...
  • … After the mother's milk, the next best is the one from the apothecary. The mixed feeding is when the mother and the father take turns in breastfeeding the baby...
  • … Before breastfeeding, the breasts need to be boiled for 10 minutes. When preparing a feeding-bottle, the bottle and the milk should be sterilized. It's best to sterilize the cow...
  • … Cause for the fracture: Fallen from a donkey...

Family anamnesis: Unencumbered (father and mother haven't fallen from a donkey)...



Children's

 

  • - Mummy, where have you bought me from?

- I haven't bought you, I gave birth to you.

- Ok, could you give me a birth of a pony?
(Bulgarian National Radio)

  • - What have you scratched yourself upon?
            - On the cat…
            (Korney Chukovski - "From two to five")





From pupils' works:

 

  • … My family consists from mummy, daddy and I. I am the youngest one. We should love our parents and help them when they do their chores. When mummy is sick, daddy serves as a wife for everyone at home...
  • … My grandma lives alone at her village. She has a dog and a hen. Standing on some chair, she cackles the whole day long...
  • … Ernest is left-handed with his right hand...
  • … In the morning dad does his manly duties and after that mum gives him coffee...
  • … The cathedral is monumental with its arcades, bent by the centuries...
  • … Soon the battlefield was filled with corpses, some were untouched, while others were still breathing...
  • … On the river-bank, the fishermen were placing worms on their hooks, while the opposite could be seen in the river...
  • … The women from the tribe were singing and dancing around the fire, while the small members were rhytmically measuring the tact...
  • … I live with my mother and my father, who has died...
  • … The hens get up early in the morning and start laying eggs. Good children should follow their example...
  • … Good bacteria feed with corpses, while bad ones cause ilnesses to the people...
  • … Once upon a time there were big animals, called dinosaurs, which died out because of a change of the season...
  • … The sky above Austerliz broke Bolonski to two...
  • … On the battlefield could be heard the cries and the groans of the dead ones...
  • … Famusov judged the people not by their internals, but by their externals...
  • … On the floor there was a lying and nearly breathing corpse, next to it the wife of the corpse was sitting, while the corpse's brother was lying in the other room in unconsciousness...
  • … Pushkin was moving along the high society and it's there where he was moving his wife…
  • … I really like the heroine from Lev Tolstoy's "War and Peace", especially when she's dancing at the ball with Shtirliz...
  • … Anna Karenina threw herself under the train, which continued dragging her pitiful existence for a long time...
  • … Turgenev showed the woman in a wider sense...
  • … In the absence of Onegin, Tatyana was frequently going to his cabinet, where she was gradually becoming from a girl to a woman...
  • … On the bank, the milk-maid was milking the cow, while in the river everything was reflected on the contrary...
  • … Chelkash was walking along the river-bank and through his torn pants his proletarian origins could be seen...
  • … Gogol suffered a triplity, which consisted of the following: with one foot he stood in the past, with the other he greeted the future, while between his legs was the horrible reality...
  • … Natasha Rostova wanted to say something, but the opening door closed her mouth...
  • SUBJECT: “KALIAKRA”: When their nets got torn out, their women sew them with songs... One day a dead [exhausted] horseman came and reported that... All the fishermen there caught fishes with torned nets, while their women were sewing them... And they tied their ribbons to the mountain... They threw themselves in the cellar, their white dresses could be seen for a moment, but then they sank and noone saw them... Then they bond each others plaits, so that none of them would run away...


Teachers' ones:

 

  • … He was a poor soul - he had only some pants on his back...
  • … You're laughing and I'm laughing, but tomorrow we'll switch our roles!...
  • … In capitalism, the man exploits the man, while in socialism it's the opposite...
  • … Number eight is giving me hot iron, so that I burn my hands! (note in a pupil's school report from a teacher of "working education")
  • … The rabies are near extinction in the island countries of England, Denmark... (epidemiology text-book)
  • … The merit belongs entirely to Gromashevskiy, who experimentally caused infections among the people and later - among animals… (text-book for infectious diseases)
  • … Why are you only jumping from a pear to a pear and don't throw tomatoes at each other... (on a youth-brigade for picking of apples)
  • … This apple is a first quality... even second! (there again)
  • … Dimitre, I'm watching you for five minutes - you haven't written anything since half an hour! (in class)
  • … You - in the waste-basked and out with the gum! (in class)
  • … You, with the gum, right away to the waste-basket! (there again)
  • … You, spit out the gum, so that I don't spit it out! (there again)
  • … The last two desks must leave instantly and must bring their parents with them tomorrow!
  • … I haven't said it, but I'll repeat...
  • … You put a dot and the sentence continues...
  • … On this picture you'll see how Jesus Christ would come near the Jewish people, which won't wait for him...
  • … Did we speak about the Master [Vladimir Dimitrov - The Master, Bulgarian artist] last year? – The whole class: “NO!” – Well, now we'll finish him, the guy...
  • … In the Bulgarian Revival's house there were three rooms: big, small and a yard...
  • … The value of this constant isn't constant...
  • … This new formula is not a new formula at all, but it's that old formula...


Oratorical and Political:

 

  • … The pump should be tested the night before the fire... (mayor)
  • … Dear pupils, I believe that  youth is a period, which it would be good to pass through before reaching maturity... (deputy)
  • … I ask that I will receive an autopsy after my death, as I insist very much to know the reason for my death... (last will)
  • … I won't mention names, but on the second round I'll support the better couple - Velko Vulkanov and Rumen Vodenicharov! (candidate-president)
  • … I'm sorry, mister, but your member has fallen... [on Bulgarian the word for member could also mean some typically male body parts]
  • … Here is Mr. Ilko Eskenazi with with his magnificient member 23!  [Member /член  is also an article in a law]
  • … So, Mr. Velev has acted completely legally and even only one time... (defensive pleading at the parliament)
  • … During the night the weather would be sunny... (meteorological forecast in BTV)
  • … The Bulgarian market is of utmost importance for our company... (representative of "Mercedes" in Bulgaria)
  • … Central service for the organized crime... [unlike central service for fight against the organized crime] (BNT, Channel 1, “Otzvuk”, 01.07.1993, statement of Mr. Benbasad)
  • … We'll co-operate with Macedonia in the fight against the hailstorms. They make excellent rockets and we're good in tracking down the clouds... [Here's a nice example of Balkan co-operation] (Georgi Tanev - ex-minister of agriculture)
  • … A journalist's question to the ex-minister of agriculture Georgi Tanev: "Did you hear the president's statement on the radio?" Answer: "I couldn't, I was in the province..."
  • … Many members [normal ones] of the Holy Synod were present, as well as many people... (The news, BNT, Channel 1)
  • … The government's hospital would serve from now on only members of the government, with the aim to improve the health care of the population... (government's decision)
  • … Our main priorities for 1998 are the fight against crime, privatization and the structural reform... (statement of Ivan Kostov [PM at that time])


Juridical:

 

  • … The given eggs were so small that anyone could think they're actually children's... (accuser)
  • … The president of the co-operative farm was doing gret abuses of power: he was giving food to the party's secretaries, while he was causing damage to the other animals...
  • … At what time were you raped? – I usually get raped at 8 PM...


“Newspaper's”:

 

  • … A bank employee killed himself wtih two shots in the head... (title in "Kontinent" newspaper)
  • … There were 1300 elements burning in the fire in "Alen Mak"!... (title in "Novinar" newspaper)
  • … A Mongolian member of the opposition was accused of revealing a state secret, concerning his statement that the chairman of the Great people's hural is corrupt... (article in "24 chasa" newspaper)
  • … The central foreword of "Houston" Haquim Olayjone was announced to be the best back of the season of NBA...  (article in "Demokracia" newspaper)
  • … Three pickpocketeers arrest policemen on the central market... ("Express" newspaper)
  • … A year and a half old baby takes part in a shooting... (title in "Noshten Trud" newspaper)
  • … In 18 out of all 13 cases... ("24 chasa" newspaper)
  • … The Czech airlines now fly also to Prague... (ad of the Czech airlines)
  • … St. Patrick went to preach Christianity in Ireland around 420 BC... (Radio "Viva")



Mottos from the past:

 

  • … The dirty body keeps the spirit restless... (sign in the public baths)
  • … Hygienization is an enemy of the bacteriological diversion...
  • … The flea is the most dangerous enemy of the Fatherland. Destroy it!
  • … Don't put someone else's objects in your mouth...
  • … Get undressed quickly, there are other people behind you...
  • … Drivers, be careful! A second without attention and then whole life - dead!...
  • … May the Bulgarian-Soviet international comradeship live!...
  • … May the international situation live… (?!?)
  • … Every egg - a bomb, every hen - a flying fortress against the aggressors!...
  • … 25 years of people's power - 25 years of circus... (sign above the dome of a circus)
  • … Communism is inevitable! More rocks for the people!... (in a quarry)
  • … Students, save the waste! It's for you!... (in a student's canteen)
  • … Every co-operator - a swine! Every communist - two!... (stock-breeding campaign)
  • … More skins for the Party!... (in a leather factory)
  • … Every jar of compote - a fist in the face of imperialism!... (canning factory)
  • … Let us join the communism with shining boots!...
  • … The Soviet sick people - the healthiest sick people in the world!...
  • … Let's not leave any patient to die without medical aid!...
  • …Switzerland: A country, close to Lybia, but less developed... (Moamar Qadaffi)
  • … The hamburger is a mix of cockroaches, mice, frogs etc, with whose help the USSR was destroyed... (Moamar Qadaffi)
  • … Politics is a bakward conception, which ended its existence in Lybia... (Moamar Qadaffi)
  • … The Lybians are personnel and specialists on world level, sought a lot accross the whole world and preferred in front of many others. But as patriots they refuse to sell themselves like Maradona, even for 1000 dollars per hour...  (Moamar Qadaffi)
  • … All communists - underground!... (motto in a mine)
  • … An accepted marriage - trouble for the whole collective!... (motto from 1985 [when my parents got married])
  • … 20 years of beneficial exchange of circus tricks between the USSR and Bulgaria!... (motto in a circus)
  • … All nuts - on fight for peace!... (propaganda poster in an asylum)


Military's:

 

  • …I'm away from my thoughts. (This could be the perfect motto for the whole section)
  • … The gas-mask is being put on the facial parts of the face...
  • … The main damaging factor of the nuclear blast is the bacteriological radiation...
  • … Konstantin IV Pogonat boarded his cavalry on steamers and landed it in Varna...
  • … When there's no water, you'll fill your canteens and keep them in the drawers. One canteen washes one face and two feet. Whoever doesn't have water in his canteen tonight, I'll pour it down on his head! Is that clear?
  • … I walk by, I watch - there's light inside. I knock, I come in - locked, while they're playing cards inside!... (morning event report)
  • … I'm watching you since half an hour how you're walking at the drill-ground with hands in your pockets - in one hand cheese patty [banichka], in the other - cigarette!... (warrant-officer from Blagoevgrad)
  • … Whitewash the curb-stones in black!...
  • … You'll dig from me to the other tree! You're laughing, huh? Then you'll dig from the fence to lunch!... Wink
  • … Check if there's someone on guard! If there is noone - send another one!...
  • … On this wall you'll hang the five from the RMS. They're ten people, it should be enough...
  • … Where were you, privates? – Well, to the bathroom, we took a shower. – Bring the showers back to the places immediately...
  • … There are N numbers of planes flying. No, N is too much! K numbers of planes are flying. Both are jet ones... (task at military school)
  • … In such position the bullet strikes in a right-angle of 50-60 degrees...
  • … The partisans walked on 9 metres of snow up to their knees...
  • …  The Byzantines attacked Aheloy and the resting/the tourists were dispersed...
  • … You don't know anything! Do you know what meningitis is? You either die from it or you get mad. During the war I had it twice... (teacher in the Military school)
  • … You laugh, you laugh, but when the nuclear bomb falls, I'll be the one to laugh!... (military teacher)
  • … This rust must shine!... (warrant-officer)
  • … Don't turn on the machines before you've entered them!...
  • …  Whoever leaves last is gay. I'm right after you... (warrant-officer-cadet)
  • … I don't want to see people walking around at night and shining!... (warrant-officer)
  • … Comrade warrant-officer, there's a hole in my bed-sheet. – Turn it around and go to sleep!...
  • … Somebody stole one of my boots and if I see tomorrow someone wearing three boots, he's in deep trouble!... (soldier)
  • … The boots are being cleaned at the evening and are being put on in the morning on a fresh head...
  • … Noone should get up at the trucks before the come!...
  • … Imagine that the enemy is pouring down on you pieces of gas...
  • … The bombs don't fall only on the land, but also on the islands...
  • … Tsar Ivan Asen blocked the mountain pass with his behind parts and went into an attack with the front ones...
  • … You, the three there, what square have you formed back there?...
  • … Here's some paint, here's a brush and plan your time that way, so that some of the paint will remain...
  • ... All commands are performed to the left, except for those, which are performed to the right...
  • ... You'll walk along a square with four sides, so that a circle would be formed!...
  • ... The art of flying is to throw yourself to the ground and to miss it.
  • ... Getting up is in the morning, exactly at 5 AM, no matter what time it is!...
  • ... You've formed yourselves as the letter... the letter... There's no such letter!...
  • ... Don't make me crazy. I'm not falling from Mars for the first time!...
  • ... The tank is a heavy anti-tank device...
  • ... This here isn't England - dig deeper...
  • ... The soldier's head is for thinking, the brain - for conforming...
  • ... The forest is considered to be inpassable for tanks, if the tickness of the trees is three times bigger than the weight of the tank...
  • ... Military education exists also in other countries, including foreign ones...
  • ... Everybody in the trenches, the rest - after me...
  • ... What?! Where have you been?! In the toilet? You could soon start going even to theatre, if you continue this way!...
  • ... The major never runs, because in peace time he'll create only laughs, while in wartime - panic...
  • ... The shooting exercises with AKalashnikov are done on targets, which are cardboard squares from black paper with the size of 20 on 30 cm...
  • ... - 100 fighters and 200 bombers are flying, all-together - 400 planes. - It doesn't come up, colonel! - Well, I'm saying it only like that - approximately...
  • ... My surname is major Ivanov.
  • ... Now you're looking out through the windows of the classroom, but I'll see you then, when you have to look through the windows of your given tank!...
  • ... Don't point the gun at people, even if it is loaded!...
  • ... I can't understand what's attracting your attention more: what I'm talking to you or the dead pigeon, which is flying above the mess-room...
  • ... The submachine-gun works like that: one, two, three - and you're gone!...
  • ... Your face on the picture should be a square one...
  • ... Cadet, don't make smart faces, don't forget that you're a future officer!...
  • ... And remember: the batallion's commander doesn't walk on foot. He takes with himself either a GAZ-66 or the second-commander...
  • ... The gas-mask works in a radius of 30 minutes...
  • ... I checked under your beds yesterday. I just can't understand how you live there!...
  • ... Who's that one with the red nose as a cucumber?...
  • ... This toxic gas causes head-aches in the joints and the bones...
  • ... It isn't necessary to wash the corridors every day. Every morning is enough...
  • ... The mines are two types: tank ones and anti-tank ones...
  • ... So, colleagues, don't be afraid to work with sources of radiation. This is completely safe. Look at, for example, those officers, who are serving 3-4 years in the nuclear submarines. And in the meantime their wives are giving birth to completely healthy chidren...
  • ... The military secret is not in what you're studying, but in the fact that exactly you're studying it...
  • ... Shovel the snow quickly, before it melts!...
  • ... You might not be bright in the mind, but your shoes must definitely be bright!...
  • ... During a march, the soldiers have 20 grams of butter. 15 grams in the morning and 15 in the evening...
  • ... The reconnaisance machine is being sent forward on a distance of one visual memory...
  • ... Why are you so bearded? Haven't they thought you as a kid to get shaved?...
  • ... The travelling in an army truck is done only one way: You don't smoke in it, don't bent over it, don't whistle at nearby girls - you only sit and travel with a truck.
  • ... You have 5 minutes at your disposal... You have remaining 4 minutes and 99 seconds...
  • ... There might be no order, but you still have to keep it...
  • ... Imagine that you're on a field and a tank comes out from behind the corner! What would you do?...
  • ... I look there - nothing. I look here - nothing. I look there again - again nothing... Now that I think of it, there is something here...


Short dictionary:

 

  • CRY OF AGONY – a cry, made out by a dead man
  • WIDOWER – the husband of a widow
  • METIS – a child of black people, which ate white people
  • MULATO – a child, whose parents are from different sexes
  • MULATO-WOMAN – the female of the mule
  • CONSOLE – wife of a consul
  • POLYGON [firing ground] - a man, who has many wives
  • CENSUS – operation, which consists of going from one house to another with the purpose of increasing the population
  • PSEUDONIM – condition, in which the poets fall before they write
  • HARD WHEAT – wheat, from which the hard bread is being made
  • FOUR-LEGGED – something, which has four legs, f.e. the table
  • AROMATIC DRINK – a drink, in which there is rum
  • HEREDITY -  it's used to explain that if our grandfather and our father had no children, then we could be childless as well


====================================================


Ok, those are nearly all pearls from the "Marsh of the Foolishness" (except some, which are understandable only for Bulgarians), plus I've added some additional in the military ones! I hope you liked them! LOL
Hmm, they seemed much more, while I was writing...


Edited by NikeBG - 21-Aug-2006 at 08:44
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vulkan02 View Drop Down
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Termythinator

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  Quote vulkan02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21-Aug-2006 at 12:36
WOW there's so many I can't even pick the one i like the most LOL
The beginning of a revolution is in reality the end of a belief - Le Bon
Destroy first and construction will look after itself - Mao
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The Chargemaster View Drop Down
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  Quote The Chargemaster Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21-Aug-2006 at 12:44
NikeBG was right - Translator is his second name. I`m impressed! Clap
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  Quote NikeBG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21-Aug-2006 at 15:00
Originally posted by The Chargemaster

NikeBG was right - Translator is his second name. I`m impressed! Clap

Well, back in time I've translated quite some more things (about history), although I don't agree so much with ol' Bozho nowadays. Wink
Heh, I've even translated (to Bulgarian) quite a nice part of one computer game, called Knights of Honor (made by Bulgarians, but with no official Bulgarian localization).
Well, I hope that if I'm accepted in the Sofia University with English Philology (that's the closest specialty to my results so far) the quality of the translations would increase! Because I actually found that I like to translate things English <--> Bulgarian. As long as I have the time and the options for that, of course...
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