Family, Generations, and the new Woman

Those who are alive today and are interested in women's history are actually very lucky. Many of the most universal and far-reaching changes for women have come to pass only in the last several generations. We can discuss, even with our own mothers and grandmothers, how things used to be.

That's exactly what I've done and in this thread I invite you all to do the same thing, to share with us how the world has changed for your family through the course of a generation of two.

I chose seven questions, not specific enough to detail distinct changes but general enough to see what changes have taken place in a more abstract manner. I answered all seven questions first and then asked my grandmother to answer them. I'll share her responses first.

These were the questions:

1. What is a woman's role in society?
a. Has this changed over time?

2. What is your definition of happiness?
b. What is your happiest memory?

3. What is your definition of sadness?
b. What is your saddest memory?

4. If you could change something about the way you lived your life, what would you change?

5. How was your life different from your mother's life?

6. What was your generation's greatest accomplishment?
b. What was your generation's greatest failure?
c. What makes your generation different from the one before it?

7. Name the first female historical figure that comes to mind?

These were Nena's responses:

1. What is a woman's role in society? She said a woman's place is firstly in the home but not to the degree that she is unable to build a life outside of the home as well. She said the home is a woman's biological responsibility and it must be taken care of regardless of the sacrifices a woman might have to make. A happy and healthy home is the foundation of a woman's life and without it nothing else has worth or should ever be given worth. She said it is not right for women to focus on their careers unless they have already established a foundation, a home, for themselves and their families.
a. Has this changed over time? She said this hasn't really changed over time it's just that women are able to do more unique and different things outside of the home now. She mentioned being a politician or a union leader as examples.

2. What is your definition of happiness? She said her definition of happiness is to be at peace with her conscience and with God. She said if you feel guilt or regret or if you are not living a righteous life then it is impossible to be truly happy.
b. What is your happiest memory? She said her happiest memory is when she was told she was getting married. She was the only woman her age not already married in the entire village and at 20 years old her parents considered it a great shame. They were very proud that she had been chosen by an honorable family and seeing her father cry with happiness that day was the first and only time she ever saw him do so.

3. What is your definition of sadness? She said her definition of sadness is losing a child. I tried to get her to explain in more detail but she just kept using the same sentences, "It's very sad. It's sad. It's not good. It's very bad" and so on.
b. What is your saddest memory? She said her saddest memory is after her husband passed away in the 1980s and she spent her first night sleeping alone. She said it was a kind of loneliness most old women carry around with them but it is stronger and more painful than anyone ever admits.

4. If you could change something about the way you lived your life, what would you change? She said she would change the situation where young people today need to work so much harder for so much less and how people put too much emphasis on material wealth and not enough on the truly good things in life.

5. How was your life different from your mother's life? She said her life was much harder because of all the wars and very different because she is an old woman but her mother died at an age she looks back on in her own memories and sees herself at that age and thinks of all the things since then she's experienced that her mother never did.

6. What was your generation's greatest accomplishment? She said rebuilding after WWII. She said everything was ruined and they could have given up and lived like "Gypsies" but instead they worked hard, for years, and managed to rebuild their entire world.
b. What was your generation's greatest failure? She said trusting in socialism and not preparing their children with truth from the past that would have let them know, given them some warning, about the most recent wars. She said if the children had been taught the truth they would not have been so vulnerable.
c. What makes your generation different from the one before it? She said a willingness to stand up to the world proud and strong. She said during her mother's time, Bosnian villagerss were in constant awe of the great centers and a trip to Sarajevo was like going to America and a trip to Vienna was like going to the moon. She said her mother's clothes were never good enough and she'd always leave with great pride to Sarajevo with her best dresses and come back destroyed that she'd still been treated like a joke. She said her generation didn't care what they were wearing in Paris or Warsaw because they knew the villager's Bosnian wool was just as good and even better. She said the people of her time were not interested in being liked by the important places and were proud just of their own territory.

7. Name the first female historical figure that comes to mind? She didn't really understand the question and I kind of had to push her for a few minutes so it defeated the purpose.

These were my responses (mine were much shorter but I didn't change them afterwards because I didn't want to be impacted by what Nena said):

1. What is a woman's role in society? To be the fabric, just under the surface, holding community and society together.
a. Has this changed over time? No.

2. What is your definition of happiness? Choosing to be happy, choosing to be satisfied with what you have and

choosing to see the best in everything you've accomplished and everyone in your life.
b. What is your happiest memory? Laughing hysterically with my sister over dinner on vacation in Norway.

3. What is your definition of sadness? Focusing on the negative in your life.
b. What is your saddest memory? I'd rather not say.

4. If you could change something about the way you lived your life, what would you change? I'd have told people

everything I wanted to tell them when I had the chance.

5. How was your life different from your mother's life? It was harder, I think.

6. What was your generation's greatest accomplishment? Forming cross-ethnic friendships after the war.
b. What was your generation's greatest failure? Allowing the last generation to start the war.
c. What makes your generation different from the one before it? We were raised in a multiethnic society where we didn't just accept the differences between us, we honestly did not know them.

7. Name the first female historical figure that comes to mind? Katarina Velika.